by Marcy Cwikla, Business Director

Stupidly believing that it cannot be seen, I deviously hid the broccoli on my Mickey Mouse dinner plate underneath the portion of steak I had failed to finish. I looked up, once at my mother and once at my father, observing only if my evil plot had been ambushed by some uncontrollable outside factor. For the remainder of the dinner, I thought I had it; I had fooled the parents. Moments before my plate was to be removed from its place, I was exposed. I concocted every such excuse, blaming anyone from my sister to my dog for the piece of uneaten broccoli that lay now openly exposed on my plate.

Although I have since discovered that my parents merely surrendered, I felt a sense of accomplishment for the trickery divulged during those very moments.

However, this summer, those childish techniques of my youth no longer aided me in reaching goals, but rather, impeded me from my ultimate objective. For a little longer than two weeks during July, I spent my time at a vacation resort in Punta Mita, Mexico, hoping to further my foreign language education. Although my duties were quite trivial and compared nothing to the responsibilities I carried at home and during the school year, I persistently felt incompetent to be holding such a position.

I acquired this position, although somewhat by the recommendations of my teachers, in most part due to the family connections my father had established between our family and a manager of this establishment many years ago. While expectations for my performance were high, I very often received praise about my work and my ability to interact with other employees and guests at the resort. Yet, I was not as confident in my aptitude as those who surrounded me.
I began to feel flustered, anxious with the thought of becoming powerless to communicate with the guests who would approach me or sought my guidance at a place that had become so familiar to me. I mistakenly believed I had to have an answer for every person’s questions; because I was afraid to ask, thinking it would make me look the way I felt, weak, I incessantly developed insecurities with my ability. I knew I was qualified to be working in such a position, but somehow I failed to shake this nervous, uneasy emptiness.

At this point, in which I begin to feel slightly more uncomfortable than I find acceptable, I would have previously resorted to the juvenile practices of my childhood to abet a solution, whether or not it was proper or correct, it was indeed a solution, and that is what I needed. However, as time grew on and I reached the end of my time at the Four Seasons Resort in Punta Mita, my discomfort became comfortable and I soon relied on it to stabilize my nerves. It had evolved and developed into a crucial part of my psyche, allowing me to meet and surpass the challenges I encountered. Since returning home, I have illogically contracted dependence to this feeling; for it seems foolish that I would want to feel uncomfortable, but I have realized that it is my only opportunity for progress.

Prior to this experience, I was completely content in being the one student who could always be counted on to know the answer, no matter the question. Now, in my classes, my athletics, and in practically every other facet of my life, I like to be surrounded by those who understand more that I do. While I used to be ashamed when I could not answer every question, I have enjoyed coming to the realization that I do not know nearly as much as I thought I did.